Did you have a good family day? I think it’s great that we have a specific holiday devoted to spending time together and showing your family some love! But as important as it is for you to show you kids some love, your partner needs it too. Valentines was created for couples in love! A crash grab, sure. But who can say no to love?
Some say that it’s enough to celebrate love on your anniversary once a year, Others say that love should be celebrated every day, so there’s nothing special about Valentine’s Day. I love Valentines Day. I love having a special day to shower my hubby with gifts and affection! Sometimes we feel like we need a reason or excuse to be with our spouse without children. Sometimes it’s difficult and necessary! For some couples the thought of talking about things other than children or their sports or school, household decisions and money issues, is a scary, seemingly impossible conversation to have. It can be a very scary reality for many couples with children and they think “what are we going to talk about, there is nothing left?”.
So now what? Go on a date, spend money you don’t have and stare at each other and smile until the time is up and it’s time to pick up the kids? Come on, don’t you want to ignite the spark again?! Live happily and in love with each other? The time is now!
Call the babysitter or ship the kids off to their grandparents, aunties or friends and get out of the house. Make a trade off with someone else and their kids and give each other a night off. Believe, just for a moment, that there is nothing to worry about and it will all turn out the way you dreamed it would.
Still not convinced?
I asked a friend recently when the last time was that her and her husband shared a date night without the kids.
“Before kids” was her reply,
“No really? Come on.”. Her children are 9, 12 and 14, and she was not kidding.
Holy Crap! She also confided that her husband was not usually interested in having sex with her. I think that is the definition of a roommate! You are in control of your destiny and if anyone can change your marriage for the better it has to be YOU!
DATE NIGHT! We’ve heard about it, we’ve read about it, what are you waiting for to start doing it?
Find a way to be intimate. Sometimes we have to do a little more than we think we should, a little more than we want to, and say a few things that we may not want to say in order to get our husbands to be interested in us again, sexually, emotionally, whatever!
I learned a long time ago (and still have to remind myself) to be thankful and tell my spouse what I love (& like) about him. Complaining about what he doesn’t do right brings more attention to the negative. Find ways to celebrate the things he does do well!
- Thank you for going to work every day and being a good provider for our family.
- Thank you for always putting the seat down.
- Thank you for coaching our kids sports team, I love seeing you out there being such a great dad!
- Thanks for doing your own laundry this week.
- Thanks for picking up the groceries today.
What are all the little things he does? Start to appreciate him for those and you will be amazed how your attitude toward each other changes. Write a sweet note on the mirror so he sees it after a hot shower, or put note in his car, send him a nice text, finding the little ways to say “I love you”. It’s easy to complain, but the effort spent on building up your partner will pay back in the best ways! If you make it a routine, you just might amaze yourself.
Now it’s time for date night. Make some plans so you have something to do (or at least talk about) that may cause a spark of excitement. These ideas are great for Valentine’s Day and every day!
TOP 5 ideas for a great DATE NIGHT IN
1. Dinner Prep
On a budget? No problem! Do you like to cook? Ok, do you like to eat?
Open a bottle of your choice and prep with each other. Take your time , enjoy some wine and make something delicious together. If you have a favourite meal that you wouldn’t want to waste on the kids, this is a great time to make it! Or, if you’re feeling more adventurous, try something new. If you’re not the best chef, get creative. Trade services with a friend, or even order in! Presentation is everything to make sure you ditch the Styrofoam for some nice china instead.
Check out these cooking in couples recipes designed to help you cook better together!
Big budget? Hire a personal chef and skip to wine and games.
2. Create Ambiance
Set the table, select some music that sets the mood, turn off the lights and light some candles (IKEA candles are cheap and they burn beautifully), move your furniture around to mix it up a bit. The last thing you want is for this to feel like just another weeknight dinner. While you’re setting the mood don’t forget the smell! What kind of smell turns you on? Personally, I’m a fan of vanilla. Check this great list of sensual scents if you’re stuck for ideas.
Unless you’re having a movie night, DO NOT turn on the TV. If you are having a movie night, then nothing PG. The movie should involve things that make you blush, laugh and absolutely feel a little sexy! Here’s an idea: re-enact your favourite love scene from a movie. 9 ½ weeks anyone?
3. Play Together
There are hundreds of adult games you can find and play to get the awkwardness out of the air. Be courageous, what have you got to lose?
Playing hide and seek by flashlight is one of my favourites. My husband is notorious for scaring the bejeezez out of me. It’s a daily adventure for him, and as much as I hate it, I love it! And there is always a good belly laugh involved! We often will play a round of crib or some card games. A little competition with each other usually finds a giggle or two. How about a little game of truth or dare?
If you’re having trouble coming up with ways to play together, this site has some great free ideas, and this site has some fun games you can buy!
4. Get Your Sexy On
Think of anything you can that will tease your partner, and I don’t mean name-calling (unless that’s your thing). Teasing and flirting gets your heart rate going, your blood pumping and anticipation rising. This could be something that goes on all day/week or just while you are on date night.
Give yourself a little “first date cleanse”: nails clean and polished, shave everywhere, exfoliate, do your hair the way he likes. Remember your first date? I bet you spent hours getting ready! When was the last time you did that? Come on girl, you still got it! Make him want it, then give it to him like you mean business. Put away your old house robe and cozy flannel PJ’s. Find a little nightie that makes you feel sexy and there’s no doubt you’ll look the part.
5. Kiss, Tease & Flirt
Kiss him! Small cheek kisses to long heart pumping necking sessions. Think high school summers and lock those lips! Get one of those massage oils with a sensual aroma and take a turn touching and rubbing the sore spots. Throw in another kiss. Get yourself out of your routine! Maybe that means staying out of your bedroom. Set up a cozy space in the living room with all those candles, your appetite satisfied with a fabulous meal, a little wine to lighten the mood, perhaps dessert. Take your time to build up to a romantic, passionate love session or ravish each other like crazy. As long as you are both ready and on board for the fun, you win!
Be brave and live your life with the love you chose and make it the love you always dreamed of!
Happy Valentines Day!
Stay tuned for more great tips!